I am a firm believer that if we want to improve community responses to harm over relying on the state (police, lawyers, prisons, etc), then we need to get comfortable ‘getting involved’ RESPONSIBLY* as a community when harm occurs. A lot of harm goes unaddressed because people assume it’s ‘not their business’ if it doesn’t […]

I grew up raised by Israeli Jews (and I am an Israeli Jew myself). In my family we were always taught to speak our minds, that debate is healthy, and to always stand up for ourselves. We are not a passive people! I truly believe that this is one of the reasons I grew up […]

Halloween is coming and with it all its scary costumes and fear based tropes. But you know what is actually scary? Conflict. No costumes necessary. For some, there is truly nothing scarier! They’ll do anything to avoid it, ignore it, or make it go away. However, do you know what’s even scarier? Not running away from […]

We’ve all witnessed and participated in social media conflicts, and probably even bullying. Online conflicts are a hostile place and often where de-escalation skills go to die (in my humble opinion). What makes it such a reactionary place? The detachment of being behind a screen; the overstimulation of constant information; access to endless opinions, are […]

“What can I use your conflict coaching for”? This is a question I’ve gotten a lot lately, so I thought I’d take the time to provide a response. Coaching is a huge buzz word, but I use it as a synonym for consulting, and essentially it just means that someone with an area of experience […]

I just listened to this very timely episode of Brene Brown’s podcast, Unlocking Us, where she discusses the difference between being shamed and feeling shame when it comes to being called out for racism. Now that shame has become a trending buzzword, everyone is talking about it and decrying against its usage. Why? Because shame […]

The thought of police abolition feels scary or impossible to some, but it’s not. Police have not been around that long, and since their inception they have terrorized vulnerable and marginalized populations while protecting the property and power of the state. For those who still don’t believe that this is true, perhaps you will believe […]

When we notice tensions rising, we too often avoid bringing it up instead of acknowledging it. We sit on it and it just grows, until we can no longer contain it. Have you been there? I thought so. Who hasn’t.  Right now many of us are stuck inside with our family or roommates and things […]

In these exceptional times our communication with one another becomes more important than usual. I’ve noticed some trends in how communication is happening online and offline and wanted to share some behaviours that can incite panic (and/or crisis) without people necessarily realizing so.  Communication blunder #1: Withholding information while being overly reassuring or overly distant Sometimes […]

“How do I communicate with people who are not following social distancing protocol?” I’ve seen this question get asked a lot the past week as social distancing measures are being more strictly implemented and suggested. There is the looming threat that soon it will not be a suggestion, but have to be enforced using the […]

It’s common enough for collectives, organizations, workplaces, etc to have harassment policy, conflict resolution policy, and human resources policies. These policies are meant to be utilized when conflict or harm arises, and complaints are filed. But too often, groups (workers, organizers, management, leadership, departments, etc) end up unable to follow through and successfully execute their […]

One of the scenarios I most often get asked to work through with participants at my training or coaching sessions is dealing with conflict online.  The internet has become its own unique platform for conflict and it is particularly ugly. Conflict on the internet can feel extra intense, vulnerable, (and humiliating) because of how large […]

Is all conflict healthy? Should I always embrace it? I don’t really know who came up with this idea but I see it everywhere! Conflict is inevitable and has the power to change us and our relationships for the better. Avoiding certain conflicts can cause way more harm than good and can escalate situations that […]

Can punishment change the culture of a workplace? I think so. If punishment is being used to maintain order or the status quo, then the people in that environment will adapt to protect themselves from punishment. Punishment is the norm in many spaces we spend a lot of time developing our sense of self in, […]

When somebody hurts us, it can bring up a lot of really intense feelings and dysregulation. It can cause us to endure a lot of stress or go into states of crisis. It is not uncommon for feelings of wanting to punish someone for what they did to arise. Often we need to move through […]

What is Punishment? The theme and concept I am going to be exploring this January is, Punishment. I figure, where better to start than with some definitions.  According to the dictionary, punishment is the infliction or imposition of a penalty as retribution for an offence. Right away, upon reading this, my eye gets drawn to […]

There are a few common mistakes people make during tough conversations and I’m here to tell you about them! A lot of people are of the belief that they are never the problem. It’s always something that someone else has said or done. The reality is you cannot be right all the time and sometimes […]

Despite what tv commercials and Netflix movies continually try to sell us, we all know that the holiday season is not as ‘joyful and merry’ as it’s made out to be. The holidays are actually a time of great stress and anxiety for many. Work holiday parties, family functions, reconnecting with/or missing people we have […]

I’ve been thinking a lot about social anxiety in communities, social circles, work places, etc. It seems like it’s a hot discussion topic right now and that everyone ‘has it’. Me saying that is not to try and minimize the impact it has on people, because social anxiety is a real and legitimate thing with […]

Why When Mediation doesn’t Work My feelings about whether or not mediation works leans more towards WHEN mediation doesn’t work as opposed to a blanket statement that it never works. In my experience there are certain circumstances that increase the likelihood a mediation will fail. In this post I will explore what I believe to […]

Your friends or coworkers or family are in a conflict and you want to mediate it. This makes sense. You’re in close relationship with these people and you want to help. Who doesn’t want to help a friend in need? Here’s the thing though, mediating a conflict is no easy feat. I’ve seen many people […]

I have to admit, this post is a direct personal response to some of the ghosting I’ve witnessed and experienced lately in a multitude of spheres. This phenomenon of disappearing (literally or via stopping to return texts, calls, emails or by making false excuses), instead of telling someone honestly why you no longer want to […]

I always used to think I was very confrontational but I am actually a pretty good conflict avoider. I’m less afraid of conflict and more of an “I don’t want to deal with this, I’ll just get over it” type avoider, but an avoider nonetheless. This is mostly because I grew up with a lot […]

In my work a lot of the conflict I end up mediating or managing is conflict that has been sitting for A LONG time. I often get called in when things have gotten so bad that it will likely be much harder to reach agreement than if people had attempted to act earlier. ‘Sitting’ on […]

I am hosting a training and discussion for this years Pervers/cite in Montreal! Conflict Culture in our Shared Queer Communities: What’s working and what needs to shift? *A closed workshop for LGBTQI2S+ people (FRANCAIS CI-DESSOUS)   Does enduring and making peace with conflict in our shared communities mean shifting our conflict culture? Conflict culture has […]

“Coach” is a big buzz word these days in the modern gig and entrepreneur economy. So much so that many people often don’t really know what the title means (myself included) or have a vague or specific idea shaped by their own lifestyle (aka lifestyle coaches). I wanted to take a moment to explain what […]

A recent panel I attended discussed the topic of navigating conflict in the workplace and community organizing spaces. Conflict where we work or where we organize is a huge issue that often goes unresolved and brings with it major consequences. There is a huge culture of suppressing anger in the workplace except for a few […]

Sometimes we’re in conflict and one party wants to try and resolve it while the other doesn’t. It’s very common for parties to process at different speeds, and feel differently about what happened and the level of impact. We can’t force someone to resolution. If someone isn’t ready to engage then trying to convince or […]

Did you just elect new Board or committee members? New management? Are you about to launch your summer programming? Have you just hired a bunch of new staff or volunteers? Or do you have an existing group that is seeking out ways to work better together? I support community groups and organizations in creating stronger […]

Certain behaviours are known and proven to increase the chance of escalation in interactions. These behaviours often trigger the body’s alarm system and provoke reactive responses such as the flight, fight, freeze or fawn, in which people shift (knowingly or not) into prioritizing their own safety. Additionally, these behaviours break trust and make people less […]

I always say that at the root of most conflicts is a need not being met, and I stick by that. Additionally, it is usually someone not clearly articulating their need by leaving out important information (ex: trying to avoid stating the need by making the situation about ‘something else’); projecting their own assumptions or […]

Anger is there to tell us that something is wrong. That there’s a problem here. When we get angry we experience a surge of energy and a strong desire to assert and protect ourselves or others. Anger is really powerful but can be destructive if we only use it reactively. Since anger is a primary […]

Happy spring, everyone! Spring is one of my favourite seasons and as someone who tries to remain deeply connected to seasonal shifts and lessons, I put together a list of some of the lessons I believe the spring can teach us about being in and enduring conflict. What looks dead and bare can actually be […]

I’m a conflict mediator, which means I support people or groups in working their way to resolution or negotiation through conflict that people don’t feel they can manage on their own. Many people these days are seeing the importance of alternative forms of conflict resolution and mediation is definitely one of these methods. Mediation is […]

Shame in its essence is a way one feels about themselves and is usually triggered by our insecurities about ourselves that we’ve developed over time. Shame makes us feel like something is wrong with us. That we are bad. That we are unworthy. And shame runs deep. Because shame thrives on our insecurities we are […]

“Fear: If it’s burrowed, metastasized, then it can be leveraged.” -Brene Brown We live during a time of great uncertainty. Our futures are in danger as the health of the planet deteriorates at an alarming speed. Rising levels of fascism threaten the physical, emotional and psychological safety of already marginalized people. We face a lot […]

This weeks Feelings February is going to look at the nervous system and what happens during periods of activation. Last week we learned about how feelings are a representation of that emotional activation. Likewise, our nervous system experiences that activation and prepares our body for self protection (flight or flight or freeze or fawn). What […]

February is going to be FEELINGS FEBRUARY! One post a week on feelings where we’ll cover the brain, the nervous system; look at some particularly prevalent emotions in our culture, and more. Because February has already been commercialized into a month about love and relationships, I thought it would be relevant and important to do […]

A large part of the trainings I offer in conflict prevention, management and resolution focus on improving communication skills, so that we can minimize escalation, and strengthen trust and understanding in our relationships for the long term. This doesn’t just mean focusing on verbal communication but looking at non verbal communication and self awareness, as […]

Hello everyone! I recently received a big wave of people downloading my free toolkit (awesome!), which includes links to resources on many areas surrounding conflict management and resolution written by a variety of different folks coming at it from a variety of different perspectives.  I’ve also received feedback from my instagram followers that they enjoy […]